Jetting off to Ibiza makes for the definitive “pimped-out” weekend…well it beats tidying the flat and doing laundry! I fly out to the White Isle for a two-night budget(ish)-bling break fit for a Diva…
Friday afternoon
Ibiza to me is like an ex that I can’t stay away from. We’ve been on and off for years, I know he’s no good for me – or my bank balance – but whenever we get together we have such an amazing time, he knows it won’t be long before I come crawling back.
For me, its best experienced in small doses so, when I read that one of my favourite acts of ALL TIME was playing a Saturday night closing party at Pacha…I figured it would be rude not to at least drop by. Despite being fresh out of surgery on her knee, my girl W was well up for it, so we got planning. It may sound a little decadent for a weekend, but people go to Paris for the weekend, hell, people go to New York for the weekend so why the hell not Ibiza?
Closing parties fall at the end of September and coincided with a super- busy period for me in the office. I couldn’t bank on leaving early, nor could I risk being knackered on Monday, so I booked at 21:15 Easy Jet from Stansted on the Friday night, landing in Ibiza at 00:45. W got the same flight the day before so she could get some beach time in, while we both planned to fly home at 10:05 on Sunday morning.
T- 3 hours
I left work at 6pm, and skipped the usual Friday trip to the pub in favour of the tube to Liverpool Street and coach to Stansted airport (it’s half the price of the Express train and doesn’t take that much longer). After inhaling a soup at Pret (W had texted me our evening plans and they didn’t include dinner), my hand luggage and I were Ibiza-bound.
1am
I was off the plane, through the airport and in a taxi impressing the driver with my A-level Spanish (well, he dropped me off at the right location – good enough for me) in less than 20 minutes.
With super-luxe hotels such as Ushuaia and the Hard Rock popping up all over the island, a single night over closing weekend could easily run to £300+++ (Fancy a 2 bed suite at Ushuaia with a Jacuzzi on the private terrace overlooking the club? Yours from £5k a night), but if you haven’t recently picked the pocket of an Oligarch, there are still bargains to be had if you look hard enough. San Antonio generally has the cheapest rooms on the island, but it’s not really our vibe. We prefer Ibiza Town and, given that we’d be spending all of our brief time on that side of the island, we’d spend more money than we’d save on taxis. Diligent internet searching rewarded us with a basic 1-bed apartment at the Ebano complex in Playa d’en Bossa, spitting distance (if you really put your back into it) from the beach and bars for less than £50/night between us.
We had plans to hit our favourite lounge bar, KM5, for a couple of cocktails before turning in. W was grumpy as her beach day had been a bit of a washout, so she only gave me five minutes to effect a Wonder Woman makeover from work to bar clothes (showers are for losers), before we were back in a taxi.
KM5 is a very relaxed restaurant and lounge on the road away from the airport. With its gorgeous tented garden space and mood lighting, lounging on oversized cushions, sipping cocktails and listening to the DJs pumping chill beats is like being dropped into a super-luxe desert oasis. Hard to believe that about 10 hours ago, I was in a budget meeting.
Speaking of budget, we decided to peruse the boutique before heading home. What’s a bad idea? Shopping after cocktails. W spied an oversized straw beach bag with blinged-out embellishment (how exactly is that going to conform to Easy Jet’s hand luggage policy???). I was a little jealous, but settled for a new fan for my collection. I’ll save my pennies for the parties.
4am
Back in the apartment eating Cheetos and getting ready for bed. Big day tomorrow!
11am
Bed was not the most comfortable and, as I didn’t get my full 8 hours, I looked less than my best. Never mind, plenty of time to catch up on sleep at the beach!
Keeping up the glam theme from last night, we head to the beach at Ushuaia. We might not be ballin’ enough to stay there, but the beach club, with its minimalist white padded loungers and sumptuous Balinese day beds is open to all. We snagged side-by-side loungers with a parasol and were relieved of €20 each for our trouble. Considering this included a very large and very strong cocktail served direct to our lounger- and that this is Ibiza – I’d be happy to call that a bargain.
The late-summer crowd was light –I bet you’d have to crawl here direct from a club to have a chance at a lounger in high season – but the DJ was playing in the background and there was still a good buzz, perfect for spending the day doing absolutely nothing. Around 2, we wandered the 10 metres or so to order the cheapest dishes on the restaurant lunch menu (a decent risotto washed down by a cheeky glass of Sauvignon Blanc), before heading back to our beds for a snooze. Sucks to be us.
6pm
Wandering back through Bossa, we saw there was a mini fun fair set up near Space. The place looked closed, the operator looked bored, but the bumper cars were suddenly calling to us. I think the sun had gone to our heads. Our private ride clearly attracted lots of attention (we were yelling and screaming like five year-olds) as suddenly there was a whole line of people wanting to ride too. The operator let us ride again for free, bless him. Let’s call that our commission..
As we were out, we decided to grab an early dinner, Grandma style. A bit of a contrast from our swank lunch at Ushuaia, but one of the family-run restaurants on the strip was an old favourite of ours. Back in the day, we’d to get pass-outs from We Love…at Space and fuel up here before heading back for the evening session. Something off the grill, a foil-wrapped jacket potato and a giant G & T all for about €12 each – result
10pm
Normally, we’d head into Ibiza Town and pre-game in the bars around the old port. However, we’d invested in a VIP Table at Pacha (W is still in recovery from surgery, so having a guaranteed base to perch on-demand was a must) so limited ourselves to buying provisions from our local Spar and playing mixologists in our kitchen. Is going VIP a bit shameless? Going against the spirit of the White Isle? Perhaps, but the rule of Ibiza Party Economics – where club entry can cost upwards of €50pp and a spirit and mixer €20 a go – means that spending €150+ each on a basic table (and that money would only get you access to the cheapest of cheap seats), priority ’free’ entry and bottle service isn’t that bad of a shout. We’d experimented before at both Pacha and Amnesia and loved it and, with security watching your stuff and keeping your drinks safe while you get amongst it on the dancefloor, you don’t miss out on the ‘proper’ clubbing experience either. It’s a one-off, it’s a treat, sue me.
00:30
After getting our glam on, we pull up to Pacha in a taxi, where a long line has already started to form. Pre-booking the table means we get to skip through a side entrance and get an escort to our table at the outer edge of the main room (i.e. not with the cool kids). Defected in the House (moving this season to the Terrace at Amnesia) is one of my all-time favourite nights. Their music policy falls more on the soulful, deeper side of house which I love (less good for W who likes her music a lot harder – that s*** just gives me a headache) and they always put on a fab show for a sexy, attitude-free crowd.
We settle in, going for a bottle of Stoli (‘cause it’s the cheapest bottle we can get with our minimum spend) with cranberry, tonic and limon mixers (Red Bull is extra, but we didn’t fancy it anyway), before making our first foray to the dancefloor to check out Copyright.
02:00
The main event! For me, anyway. I’ve loved Inner City – DJ/Producer Kevin Saunderson and vocalist Paris Grey – since I was in primary school. Hearing tracks like ‘Big Fun’, ‘Good Life’ and ‘Pennies From Heaven’ made me realise that there was whole world of music outside of Kylie and Jason (don’t judge), and I’ve been a fan ever since. Joined on stage by vocalist Ann Saunderson, the ladies belted out the hits while I bounced around like a vodka fuelled yo-yo in the front row. It was a short set – 30 minutes or so? – but was totally worth it.
03:30
Back at the table, the guys we were chatting to decided to call it a night, offering us their VIRTUALLY FULL bottle of Belvedere on the way out. Having made poor progress on our own bottle – even with best efforts, there was no way we would finish it – we decided to spread the party vibes and share it with our fellow clubbers. It was not exactly welcomed by security, but there was no drama as we played bartender to our new friends before heading to the main floor for Bob Sinclar’s set.
I’m a bit of a fan-girl, so I briefly abandoned W and made my way to the DJ booth to say hi (as you do), leaning all the way in the grab a photo of the man himself. He was kind enough to pose and security were kind enough not to throw me out on my ear (I’m a VIP, don’t you know…)
05:00
At peak vodka (yes you can have too much of a good thing – know your limit, kids) – and with a flight to catch in just a few hours – we decided to call it a night and grab a couple of hours of sleep. I probably could have danced a little more, but W was wiped out and, at the back of my mind was the fact that I had to go to work THE NEXT DAY.
09:30
Sitting at the airport, munching a dirty Burger King breakfast and waiting to board, I was tired, but happy. “So” said W, “What are we doing next weekend?”
The Damage:
- Flights: we flew easyJet from Stansted. We paid £150rtn, but flights start from £40 one way
- Accommodation: we found a deal at the Ebano Apartments (C/ Begonias, 22-24 Playa D’en Bossa)for £49/night
- KM5: CTRA. Sant Josep Km 5,6. 07830. Sant Josep de Sa Talaia, Ibiza
- Ushuaia: Playa d’en Bossa 10, 07817 Sant Jordi de Ses Salines, Ibiza
- Pacha: Av. 8 d’Agost, 07800 Ibiza,
- Club tickets: from free up to 70/80 Euros in peak season
- V.I.P tables: depending on the club and the night, from 100 Euros pp up to the cost of 4 years tuition fees and student loans
