The Location
Bang in the middle of The City, on a weekday The Ned’s location at 27 Poultry is steps from some of London’s oldest financial institutions. On the weekend, though, the suits move out, the streets are quiet and – if you are in a walking mood – you’d have a clear run down to St Paul’s and across the river to The Tate Modern in one direction and up to Spitalfields , Brick Lane and Columbia Road in the other.
But what do you care? Have you seen this place…why the hell would you leave the hotel?!
The Room
I booked a ‘crash pad’, at 17-19 m² one of the smallest (i.e. cheapest – I love a bargain) rooms in the property. As the name suggests, it was pretty tiny, probably built for a cheeky over-nighter after having a little too much fun in the bars downstairs more than a proper weekend away. However, two of us managed to stay very comfortably without tripping over each other.
Being part of the Soho House portfolio, the room was, of course, exquisitely designed. In keeping with the period of the original building, the look had Edwardian, Art Deco and more modern touches: William Morris prints, bakelite phones and beds modeled after the first class cabins on The Titanic . Real vintage elegance, even in a tiny space.
The devil, however, was in the detail. A whole shelf of full-sized Cowshed products in the bathroom, a literal treat jar on the desk and the BEST minibar I’ve seen anywhere. Cotswolds Gin, Bruichladdich Islay Barley Scotch, Our London Vodka & Duppy Share Rum. And in the fridge? Isake Jumai Sake and pre-mixed Dry Martinis, Manhattans and Negronis. Heaven. The best part, though, has got to be the vintage vermouth atomiser. Hours of fun spraying that into my mouth like an (alcoholic) 5 year-old.
Gorgeous though it was, I wasn’t there just to hang out in the room…
Eating & Drinking
The ground floor is vast.
When you walk in off the street, you step straight into the original banking hall,
like the rooms, the decor channels 20’s & 30’s ‘ faded glam with authentic detail mixed in with more modern interpretations.
The cavernous 3,000 m² space is home to 9 -yes NINE – restaurants and bars:
- A branch of the celeb spot-ty Italian Cecconi’s
- Classic British at Millie’s Lounge
- Casual American (and great cocktails) at The Nickel Bar
- New York deli Zobler’s
- Clean cuisine, California-style at Malibu Kitchen
- Asia Pacific-inspired healthy eating at Kaia
- Parisian Café Sou
- High-end steakhouse Lutyens Grill
- Bespoke martinis at The Library Bar
On our two trips we ate tasty, though not necessarily memorable, meals at Cecconi’s and Millie’s. But no matter, it’s the atmosphere that’ll win you over. With so many spaces spilling into each, the vibe is bubbling and buzzy . The high vaulted ceiling of the banking hall carries the chatter of the crowd and the sound of the band performing on what was the old reception desk, now the perfect stage for singers belting out everything from West End show tunes to jazz standards. And I mean BELTING.
Then there’s the cocktails…
The bars between them have pretty kick-ass lists that I’m slowly working my way through (for science, of course). Each bar has its own individual specialities, but they’ll make anything if you ask them nicely. My favourites so far? Picante de la Casa, (Patrón reposado tequila, agave nectar, lime, chile, coriander) which is pretty much a Soho House classic, closely followed by the ‘Ned’groni (Bombay Sapphire, Rubino, Kamm & Sons, rose, grapefruit), ’cause you know I love a negroni.
Nine bars and restaurants. You know that’s really not enough…
Ned’s Club (a.k.a More Food & Drink)
As well as the public spaces, The Ned hosts its very own private members club, occupying space on both the roof (Ned’s Upstairs) and basement (Ned’s Downstairs) floors of the hotel.
The minute I minute I heard that The Ned had a bar INSIDE A BANK VAULT, I wanted in. Visiting the hotel as a ‘normal’ I’d passed the bar on the way to the bathrooms and was desperate for a peek inside, but the 20-tonne, 2 metre-wide vault door that marks the entrance is oppressive enough to intimidate the hell out of the most brazen of blaggers. As a guest, though, my room key was my ticket in.
Are you on the list Madam?
Hell yeah!
Once past ‘security’ you step into The vault itself. Like everything else at the Ned, it’s huge, but the space has been smartly broken up to create a couple more intimate lounges outside the main bar area. 3000 original safety deposit boxes line the walls, cleverly integrated into the design so rather than looking all cool and clinical and Bourne Identity, all that steel is softened with velvet couches, fringed lamps and other little touches in keeping with the period theme.
It’s f…ing gorgeous. Lounging about on sofas sipping (more than a few) Picantes de la Casa, the soundtrack was chilled, the bar staff attentive, the mood relaxed: very “it’s Sunday night and I’m blatantly calling in sick tomorrow”. I’d love to check out one of their Friday night DJ sessions with a bigger crowd and more of a club vibe. Who wouldn’t want to party in a bank vault? Can somebody hook me up, please?!
Downstairs was very cool but for me, Ned’s Upstairs was the showstopper. Around a central atrium, A bar and restaurant, a second ‘cabana’-style bar, rooftop pool with beds and loungers give the space the feel of a Miami beach club. But on a rooftop. 360 degree views over overlooking the London skyline with the dome of St Paul’s so close you could reach out and touch it.
Maybe it was the sunshine, maybe it was the view, maybe it was the fact that we’d just sweated our hangovers out in the basement gym but, in contrast to the restaurants below, breakfast on the roof was delish. Scrambled eggs, Avo on toast, cold press juices, really good coffee and seriously yummy banana bread – we stuffed our faces.
On our second stay we picked from a decent all-day menu to soak up all the cocktails we were ‘testing’ in the spirit of research (of course). … more Picantes de la Casa , Club Sbagliatos (a twist on Aperol spritz) and giant glasses of Frosé (literally frozen rosé) which made sense as it was roasting up there.
A quick note before we get too carried away with The Club Upstairs…
Since our stays last year (and not because of, I promise…) The Ned have changed their access policy to Ned’s Club Upstairs. Only Members and hotel guests staying in higher category rooms (Large and above) can have pleasure. Yes this pisses me off as it essentially prices me out of the privilege (…until I find a rich sponsor), but I can ALMOST understand their rationale. We visited on a scorching-hot bank holiday weekend and it was standing room only on the roof. Every sunbed was occupied, every chair was taken, every space around the edge of the pool was filled. If I’d dropped $$$ on a membership and couldn’t cool off on the hottest day of the year I’d be seriously miffed…just as I am now I’m stuck outside with my nose pressed to the glass. The rooftop isn’t the whole hotel, however…
And the rest…
Back down in the basement we hit the gym in a futile attempt to burn off all of that tequila (fail). As it caters for members as well as hotel guests, its a decent size and is kitted out with quality equipment and also studio space for pilates, spin and other classes. There is also a full vintage-style boxing ring that was giving me serious Bugsy Malone vibes (got this stuck in my head now).
Post sweat, we dipped our toes into the pool in the spa area (because why have one pool when you can have two) and lounged around in fluffy robes reading glossy mags and sipping lemon water. The basement is home to a veritable pamper palace. We could’ve had a sauna or steam or visited the hammam. We could have got spa treatments at Cowshed our nails done in Cheeky or our hair done in the The Parlour (or Barbershop for the blokes)…but we stayed our lazy asses round the pool. There’s always next time.
The Bottom Line
When I think ‘Staycation’, I’m looking for an easy escape where I can retreat, relax, be pampered and drink my bodyweight in cocktails in gorgeous surroundings, preferably without straying outside the tube map. The Ned ticks all of these boxes and then some.
Is it cheap? You can search the calendar for good deals (especially if you are under 30. Millenials…), but food, pamper treatments – and those cocktails – all start to add up. Think of it this way, though, the two taps on my Oyster card that it took to get me there cost less than any plane ticket I’ve ever paid for . More importantly, if you leave refreshed, relaxed, re-focused, with a massive smile on your face (…and not COMPLETELY bankrupt), does it really matter?
If Ned’ll have me back, I’m there.
thened.com rooms from £180
